Wanderlust

Jackie and Elizabeth came over tonight for a Psych party. (Their idea--they're young.)  It wasn't too much of a party, being that we only watched one episode of Psych, then talked a little.  I failed to even offer them any of the brownies I baked!  Lame, I know.  Anyway, Jackie was talking about her husband's long bike rides; in 2012 he rode from here to Mexico and this year he's riding from Seattle to here.  She said, "I haven't had that urge yet to do anything really big like that."  I said, "I've longed for adventures all my life but I'm married to a man who likes structure and routine."  

I got thinking about that after they left.  What does a girl with wanderlust do when her husband has none?  

I would be thrilled to take off on an adventure anytime I felt like it.  I've always been that way.  When I was in college, I drove by myself from Washington to San Francisco, then to Los Angeles, and on to BYU.  That was in the fall.  In the spring I repeated the trip in reverse.  When Greg and I were dating, I bought each of us a ticket to fly to Denver from SLC when Coy was living in Colorado.  I should have had a clue about Greg when I saw how flabbergasted he was that I had done that.  And he should have had a clue about me because I DID do that.  But, alas, young love is blind and we got engaged on the way back from that trip and have made our marriage work for nearly 35 years, even though we are so different.  I think I have conformed to his way of life more than he has conformed to mine, mainly out of necessity because he's the breadwinner, and partly because we pretty much followed the LDS norm.  

My life with him has been fulfilling in many ways and I love him and am very happy to be married to him.  But sometimes I feel like all I've ever done is what other people expect of me and I just want to be able to say things like, "This spring I'm going to drive across the country."  And then do it. Take my time.  See whatever I want to see.  And then when the fall rolls around, if another idea pops into my head, I want to just do it...no permission required.  I don't think Greg would stop me but I don't know that he'd be all that excited about it either.  In fact, I know he wouldn't.  He'd probably come around if I put up a fuss.  He almost always does because he wants me to be happy.  I guess it's the fuss that wearies me.

I think I needed someone like Greg to keep me somewhat grounded and he needed someone like me to help him have some experiences other than work and sports.  But now I feel like my life is on hold with the kids gone, and here I sit, waiting for him to retire.  He is doing what he wants to do, work on his career.  He leaves the house at five in the morning and returns at five in the evening.  We sit and watch the news while we eat our dinner and then watch more tv or do something else.  I'm ok with the routine for awhile, but then the wanderlust strikes again and I start feeling trapped.  Luckily for me, I'm flying to Grand Junction next weekend (courtesy of Kevin) to keep Jamie and the kids company while Kevin goes on a fishing trip for his birthday.  And in April we get to go to Italy with Nicea and Fred.  We HAVE been able to travel somewhat over the years, partly because of his job (thank goodness), and we've been on a few other trips with family and friends.  But it has almost always felt like I have to convince Greg that we should go.  I swear he'd never break his routine if I didn't make him. 

Many of our differences over the years have been resolved through eventual communication, but usually there's a bit of an argument first.  I think Greg has a hard time realizing that not everyone sees the world through his eyes nor desires to live like he does.  I know I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to spend so much time working and commuting.  He works longer than he needs to and commutes by bus and bike now so his commute takes longer too.  But that's ok!  And my wanderlust is ok too, as long as it doesn't break the bank.  I've tried to teach him over the years that when we disagree about something, neither way is wrong, just different.  

I worked hard at a most challenging and stressful job, having and raising children from 1980, when our first was born, to 2012, when our last was married, nearly 32 years. 

I'm more than ready for my wanderlust to take us away.  

On one adventure after another.

Until we get too tired, or die.

Whichever comes first.